Proverbs File
Interesting quotations that appear on the Notebook page
Apathy is becoming a major problem, but who cares?
By the time a man can read a woman like a book, he is too old to collect a library.
Eschew Obfuscation.
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
- James Thurber
People never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious convictions.
- Blaise Pascal
One of the nice parts about heading toward middle age is that you can find all your favorite music in the bargain bin.
- Ken Floyd
Turtles never hurdle.
The Secret-Of Success Law:
Discover all unpredictable errors before they occur.
It's a known fact -- cross-eyed teachers cannot control their pupils.
90 Percent of the game is half mental.
- Yogi Berra
Number of U.S. Universities that offer a bagpipe major: 1
- Harper's Index
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
- Galileo
My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.
- Adlai Stevenson
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Football combines two of the worst things about American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
- George Will
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir (1838-1914)
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot
I hold that a little rebellion is a good thing.
- Thomas Jefferson
Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.
- Thomas Jefferson
The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.
- Nathaniel Howe
There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.
- Winston Churchill
The country that draws a broad line between its fighting men and its thinking men will find its fighting done by fools and its thinking done by cowards.
- Sir William F. Butler
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.
- Sir Richard F. Burton
Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
- George Santayana
The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.
- Joseph Conrad
What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.
- Sigmund Freud
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I would believe only in a god who could dance.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Without music, life would be a mistake.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Pope John Paul would be more popular if he called himself Pope John Paul George and Ringo.
- Paul Krassner
God made man because he loves stories.
- Yiddish saying
God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.
- Elbert Hubbard
Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.
- Voltaire
Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.
- Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.
- G. K. Chesterton
Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself.
- Miguel de Unamuno, Spanish philosopher and writer
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
- Kahlil Gibran
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.
- Thomas A. Kempis
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
- William James
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love, one another.
- Jonathan Swift
All would live long; but none would be old.
- Benjamin Franklin
The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
Education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
- George Macaulay Trevelyan (1876-1962)
Experience, the name men give to their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.
- Greek Proverb
It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth.' and so it goes away. Puzzling.
- Robert M. Pirsig
I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell.
- Harry Truman
All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei
Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.
- Winston Churchill
How you spend your time is more important than how you spend your money. Money mistakes can be corrected, but time is gone forever...
- David Norris
Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever.
- Horace Mann
I never came upon any of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.
- Albert Einstein
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I've found it!), but 'That's funny...'
- Isaac Asimov
Mankind must remember that peace is not God's gift to his creatures, peace is our gift to each other.
- Elie Wiesel
Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who knows "how" will always have a job. The man who knows "why" will always be his boss.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The world will never have lasting peace so long as men reserve for war the finest human qualities. Peace, no less than war, requires idealism and self-sacrifice and a righteous and dynamic faith.
- John Foster Dulles
If you can walk you can dance. If you can talk you can sing.
- Zimbabwe Proverb
If anyone has conducted a Beethoven performance, and then doesn't have to go to an osteopath, then there's something wrong.
- Simon Rattle
The truest expression of a people is in its dance and music.
- Agnes de Mile (1905-1993)
You're talking to someone who really understands rock music.
- Tipper Gore
There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.
- Frank Zappa
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
When you are arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.
- Wilson Mizner
Wisdom is the reward for a lifetime of listening ... when you'd have preferred to talk.
- D.J. Kaufman
Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark.
- Zen saying
Children need love especially when they don't deserve it.
- Harold S. Hulbert
If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through.
- Chinese Proverb
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
- Alexander Graham Bell
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
- Albert Einstein
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
- Thomas Edison
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas Edison
The Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
- Will Rogers
Things in our country run in spite of our government. Not by aid of it.
- Will Rogers
I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.
- Barbara Bush
What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
- Irv Kupcinet
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
- George Bernard Shaw
The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.
- George Bernard Shaw
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
- George Bernard Shaw
There are two ways to spread the light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it.
- Edith Wharton
Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
- Arabic Proverb
After the game, the king and pawn go into the same box.
- Italian Proverb
If you believe everything you read, better not read.
- Japanese Proverb
Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
- Swedish Proverb
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
- Carl Sandburg
The highest result of education is tolerance.
- Helen Keller
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
The person who writes the bank's commercials is not the person who makes the loans.
Money makes money and the money money makes makes money.
- Gerald Krefetz
You don't need a $1000 meeting to solve a $100 problem.
All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.
- Adlai Stevenson
If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there.
- Lewis Carroll
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
- W. Somerset Maugham
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
- Seneca
The secret of success is sincerity; once you can fake that, you've got it made.
- Jean Giraudoux
Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself.
- Leo Tolstoy
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it's been.
- Wayne Gretzky
The better the opportunity appears to be, the more likely it is you don't know all the facts.
- Phil Simborg
Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true.
- Henry Kissinger
When money talks the truth is silent.
- Russian Proverb
94.5% of all statistics are made up.
If I repent anything it is very likely to be my good behavior.
- Thoreau
More people are troubled by what is plain in Scripture than by what is obscure.
- Roy L. Smith
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain
I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.
- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is just putting on its shoes.
- Mark Twain
Dare to be naive.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
- Solomon Short
Much of what we call intelligence is nothing more than the ability to recognize patterns.
- Roger von Oech
Knowledge is knowing. Wisdom is knowing and not saying.
- Steve Bhaerman
Wisdom is learning what to ignore.
- Dr. Harold Bloomfield
A wise man knows everything; a shrewd one, everybody.
If I'd known I was going to live so long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
- Jimmy Durante
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Simone Signoret
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a poor memory.
- Albert Schweitzer
Behavioral psychology is the science of pulling habits out of rats.
- Dr. Doublas Busch
The biggest problem in Nashville is trying to find clean words that rhyme with "truck."
Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.
- Gerald Ford
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; and there are so few of us left.
- Oscar Levant
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
- Robert Orben
I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy.
Learn to shoot yourself.
- NRA flyer
Thesaurus: Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Oy To The World
- Jewish Christmas Carol
There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can't.
What men usually ask for when they pray to God is that two and two may not make four.
- Russian proverb
I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you.
- Texan proverb
I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.
- Susan B. Anthony
Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Clairvoyant, n. A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Evangelist, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbours.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Mammon (riches), n. The god of the world's leading religion.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of him.
- Thomas Carlyle
You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man's freedom. You can only be free if I am free.
- Clarence Darrow
The wise make proverbs, and fools repeat them.
- Isaac Disraeli
Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark, or the man afraid of the light?
- Maurice Freehill
The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Attempt something so impossible that unless God is in it, it's doomed to failure.
- John Haggai
The greatest act of faith is when a man understands he is not God.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
- C. S. Lewis
The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.
- Friedrich Hegel
Every time history repeats itself the price goes up.
- Source Unknown
Jesus promised His disciples three things: that they would be entirely fearless, absurdly happy, and that they would get into trouble.
- W. Russell Maltby
Christianity takes for granted the absence of any self-help and offers a power which is nothing less than the power of God.
- A. W. Tozer
We love to buy books because we believe we are buying the time to read them.
- Warren Zevon
If walking on thin ice, why not dance?
God spoke to Balaam through his ass... I believe God still speaks through asses today...So if God should choose to speak through you -- you needn't think too highly of yourself.
- Rich Mullins
The best way to lose something is to struggle to keep it.
- Romer's Rule
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
- 'Smile' Lingers
One of the most difficult things in the world is to know how to do something correctly, and to watch without comment, somebody else do it incorrectly.
There is great ability in knowing how to conceal one's ability.
- La Rochefoucauld
There is no limit to what can be accomplished if it doesn't matter who gets the credit.
A lot of people spend half their time wishing for things they could have if they didn't spend half their time wishing.
America: where there are ten million laws to enforce ten commandments.
The trouble with this country is that there are too many people going around saying, "The trouble with this country is...".
- Sinclair Lewis
Antiques are the things one generation buys, the next generation gets rid of, and the following generation buys again.
Most people prove it's not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
Few people really believe. Most only believe they believe, or make believe.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
- Ellen Parr
Business is always interfering with pleasure, but it makes other pleasures possible.
- William Feather
Paradoxically, what intrudes between God and human beings is our fastidious morality and pseudo-piety. It is not the prostitutes and tax-collectors who find it most difficult to repent.
- Brennan Manning
Civility is a willingness to promote the well-being of people who are very different, including people who seriously disagree with you on important matters.
- Richard Muow
Christianity has survived Christians for two thousand years now, which from my point of view is evidence that maybe something is going on there.
- T-Bone Burnett
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress.
- Thomas A. Edison
One test is worth 1,000 expert opinions!
- George Lorimer
All things take place by change.
- Marcus Aurelius
You can observe a lot by watching.
- Yogi Berra
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.
- Bertrand Russell
Study and, in general the pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all of our lives.
- Albert Einstein
The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of childhood into maturity.
- Thomas Huxley
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
- Robert Frost
And this is the simple truth - that to live is to feel oneself lost. He who accepts it has already begun to find himself, to be on firm ground. Instinctively, as do the shipwrecked, he will look around for something to which to cling, and that tragic, ruthless glance, absolutely sincere, because it is a question of his salvation, will cause him to bring order to the chaos of his life. These are the only genuine ideas; the ideas of the shipwrecked. All the rest is rhetoric, posturing, farce.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Real transformation is the opposite of self-improvement.
- Johann Arnold
I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can still do.
- Edward Everett Hale
If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to defend yourself, you should say: "He obviously does not know me very well, since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned."
- Epictetus
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
- Josh Billings
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed - and thus clamorous to be led to safety - by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
- H.L. Mencken
Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.
- Albert Einstein
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
- Scott Adams
What good fortune for those in power that people do not think.
- Adolf Hitler
The fire you kindle for your enemy often burns you more than him.
- Chinese Proverb
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
- Indira Gandhi
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein
The receptive ability of the masses is very limited, their understanding small; on the other hand, they have a great power of forgetting.
- Adolf Hitler
I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.
- Kahlil Gibran
I have seen war. I hate war.
- Winston Churchill
The significant problems we face cannot be solved on the same level we were at when we created them.
- Albert Einstein
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
To be or not to be. (Shakespeare)
To do is to be. (Kant)
To be is to do. (Sartre)
Do be do be do. (Sinatra)
Yabba dabba do! (Flintstone)
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
If that had been intentional, I would be a comic genius. But it wasn't. And I'm not.
I like the idea of free elections. There is only one thing wrong with them: you don't know in advance how they will come out.
- Josef Stalin
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
- Henry Kissinger
If the meaning of life were printed in a book, someone would use it to keep the window open.
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
- Paul Erlich
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
- Confucius
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
- Mark Twain
The little I know, I owe to my ignorance.
- Sacha Guitry
You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.
- Norman Douglas
Hollywood? It's a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.
- Wilson Mizner
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
He who laughs last probably didn't understand the joke.
!retupmoc siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
- Tom Robbins
I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent.
The Programmers' Cheer: Shift to the left; Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, Byte, Byte, Byte!
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
Ah, it doesn't mean anything. It's like "Rama-Lama Ding Dong" or "Give Peace a Chance."
- Homer Simpson
Let us not go faster than God. It is our emptiness and our thirst that he needs, not our plentitude.
- Jacques Maritain
The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
- Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
- H. H. Williams
The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
- Constitution of the United States, Amendment IX
We have four boxes with which to defend our freedom: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.
- Unknown
There are two freedoms -- the false, where a man is free to do what he likes; the true, where he is free to do what he ought.
- Charles Kingsley, 1819-1875
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.
- Chinese proverb
If you can talk, you can sing; if you can walk, you can dance.
- African proverb
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
- Swedish proverb
Man plans; God laughs.
- Yiddish saying
When elephants fight, the grass always is the one that suffers.
- Swahili saying
Wherever the heart is, the feet don't hesitate to go.
- Togo saying
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
- Indian proverb
The beginning of health is to know the disease.
- Spanish proverb
It is part of the cure to wish to be cured.
- Latin proverb
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.
- Irish proverb
If we ever forget that we're One Nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under.
- Ronald Reagan
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
- Will Rogers
Half of all advertising is a waste of money; we just don't know which half.
Jesus is coming soon. Look busy.
- Bumper Sticker
The more we thank God for what we have, the more we have to thank God for.
- Church Sign
People who look down on others live on a bluff.
- Church Sign
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- Church Sign
There are no amendments to the 10 commandments.
- Church Sign
Madness in the name of God is still madness.
- Church Sign
Experience is a hard teacher. It gives the test before the lesson.
- Church Sign
Mud thrown is ground lost.
- Church Sign
Talk only if you can improve the silence.
- Church Sign
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do, and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
- General George Patton
The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
- B. F. Skinner
For years there has been a theory that millions of monkeys typing at random on millions of typewriters would reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. The Internet has proven this theory to be untrue.
- Anonymous
We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology,in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.
- Carl Sagan
A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
- Doug Linder
Smith & Wesson - the original point and click interface.
I had to google 'jfgi' to see what it meant. The irony is overwhelming.
- classyhorse23
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Analog-retentive - those people who obstinately cling to outmoded technology.
Dopeler Effect - the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Percussive Maintenance - the fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Questfallen - reaction to the realization that your MapQuest directions have failed you.
Wikiality - reality as defined by consensus, rather than analysis of objective fact.
- Stephen Colbert
Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become excited about any of the candidates for president.
#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))
- Shakespeare
It's not that I'm surrounded by incompetence that bothers me, it's that I fit in so well.
hAS aNYONE sEEN MY cAPSLOCK kEYB ?
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
When he was told that Apple Computer had just bought a Cray to help design the next Apple Macintosh, Seymour Cray commented that he had just bought a Macintosh to design the next Cray.
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs.
- Glaser and Way.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs.
- Tom Lehrer.
The three chief virtues of a programmer are: Laziness, Impatience and Hubris.
- Larry Wall.
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
A witty saying proves nothing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
- Werner von Braun.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
- Mark Russell
A mystic is someone who wants to understand the universe, but is too lazy to study physics.
I don't like electrons; they've always had a negative influence on society.
- Chris Lipe.
Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.
- Bumper sticker
Polaroids /nm./: what polar bears get from sitting on ice caps.
Math illiteracy strikes 8 out of 5 people.
I don't like numbers that can't be written as a fraction. It's an irrational fear.
According to my calculations, this problem doesn't exist.
My math teacher staples Burger King applications to failed tests.
The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist say the glass is half empty, the engineer says the glass is too large, the optometrist says the glasses are half-price and the thirsty guy says: 'Hey, who drank my water?'
The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it's cheaper than institutionalizing all those people.
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
- William H. Mauldin.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you think even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Laughing is my favorite form of worship.
Laughter is carbonated holiness.
- Anne Lamott
Laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God.
- Karl Barth
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
- Woody Allen
Last updated Tuesday 14 August 2007