Legal Etiquette

Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: wand AT ccs.neu.edu (Mitchell Wand)
Subject: Annals of legal etiquette
Date: Tue, 28 Nov 95 4:30:11 EST


My wife received a copy of the following at her law firm.  It purports to be
true.  For those of you who don't know, a "deposition" is a transcript of
pre-trial testimony.  These transcripts tend to be thick documents.

To:       all attorneys
Subject:  Depositions and Their Use

A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed
with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on
Lexis Counsel Connect.  The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although
the use of a deposition of a party opponent "for any purpose" is also in the
federal rules.  We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this
exchange:

The Court:     Next witness.

Ms. Olschner:  Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the
               head with his client's deposition.

The Court:     You mean read it?

Ms. Olschner:  No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it.  Pursuant to 
               Rule 32, I may use the deposition "for any purpose" and that is 
			   the purpose for which I want to use it.

The Court:     Well, it does say that.

(Pause.)

The Court:     There being no objection, you may proceed.

Ms. Olschner:  Thank you, Judge Hanes.

(Whereupon Ms. Olschner swatted Mr. Buck in the head with a deposition.)

Mr. Buck:      But Judge...

The Court:     Next witness.

Mr. Buck:      We object.

The Court:     Sustained. Next witness.

End transcript.

Last updated Thursday 21 January 2010