Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns
From: bp AT thedog.cis.ufl.edu (Brian Pane)
Subject: What language is afoot?
Date: Tue, 24 Dec 96 0:20:02 EST


How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using:

The proliferation of modern programming languages which seem to have
stolen countless features from each other sometimes makes it difficult
to remember which language you're using.  This guide is offered as a
public service to help programmers in such dilemmas.

C
         You shoot yourself in the foot.

Assembly
         You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk.  The system
         administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot.  After a
         moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in
         the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at
         everyone in sight.

C++
         You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and
         shoot them all in the foot.  Providing emergency medical
         care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise
         copies and which are just pointing at others and saying,
         "that's me, over there."

Ada
         If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the
         United States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand
         you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers,
         "Shoot at his feet."

Modula/2
         After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
         in the language, you shoot yourself in the head.

sh, csh,etc.
         You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend
         five hours reading man pages before giving up.  You then
         shoot the computer and switch to C.

Smalltalk
         You spend so much time playing with the graphics and
         windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot,
         takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL
         on a character terminal.

APL
         You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you
         don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what the
         hell happened.

[Note - originally appeared in RHF during second quarter of 1990 - ed]