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                 Explaining the Inexplicable
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These are responses to a contest sponsored by OMNI magazine:
     
Grand Prize Winner:

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and 
when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered 
side facing down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the 
back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above 
the ground.  With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed 
monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
     
Runners-up:
     
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number 
of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds
at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually 
produce all the worlds great literary works in Braille.
     
Why Yawning Is Contagious:  You yawn to equalize the 
pressure on your eardrums.  This pressure change outside 
your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so 
they must yawn to even it out.
     
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped 
because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use 
acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.
     
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. 
Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the 
arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall 
trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
     
Honorable Mentions:
     
Birds take off at sunrise.  On the opposite side of the 
world, they are landing at sunset.  This causes the earth to 
spin on its axis.
     
The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is 
that it's easier to go faster when you're always going 
downhill.
     
The quantity of consonants in the English language is 
constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. 
When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate 
southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in 
"erl wells."