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ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES (collected by journalists)
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers             
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case                    
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Eye Drops off Shelf
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nichlaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain: Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charges
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping the Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusettes Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Air Head Fired
Man Steals Clock, Faces Time
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction