: How cold is it? It is so cold I saw a lawyer on the street the other
: day, and he had his hands in his own pockets"
------------------------------------------------------------
HOW COLD IS IT?
An annotated thermometer
------------------------------------------------------------
(degrees Fahrenheit, then Celsius)
+50 / +10
* New York tenants turn on the heat
* Wisconsinites plant gardens
+40 / +4
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Wisconsinites sunbathe
+35 / +2
* Italian cars don't start
+32 / 0
* Distilled water freezes
+30 / -1
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Wisconsinites eat ice cream
+25 / -4
* Boston water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
+20 / -7
* Cleveland water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
+15 / -10
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Wisconsinites go swimming
+10 / -12
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going
0 / -18
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!
-5 / -21
* You can hear your breath
* You plan a vacation in Hawaii
-10 / -23
* American cars don't start
* Too cold to skate
-15 / -26
* You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
* Miamians cease to exist
* Wisconsinites lick flagpoles
-20 / -29
* Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
* Politicians actually do something about the homeless
* People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens
-25 / -32
* Too cold to kiss
* You need jumper cables to get the driver going
* Japanese cars don't start
* Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training
-30 / -34
* You plan a two-week hot bath
* Pilsener freezes
* Bock beer production begins
* Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
-38 / -39
* Mercury freezes
* Too cold to think
* Wisconsinites button top button
-40 / -40
* Californians disappear
* Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Wisconsinites put on sweaters
-50 / -46
* Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window
* Green Bay Packers practice indoors
-60 / -51
* Walruses abandon Aleutians
* Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
* Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens
* Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
-70 / -57
* Glaciers in Central Park
* Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
* Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste.
Marie
-80 / -62
* Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
* Rhinelander Birkebeiner
* Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
-90 / -68
* Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
* Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
* Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer
-100 / -73
* Santa Claus abandons North Pole
* Wisconsinites pull down earflaps
-173 / -114
* Ethyl alcohol freezes
* Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans
-297 / -183
* Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
* Microbial life survives only on dairy products
-445 / -265
* Superconductivity
-452 / -269
* Helium becomes a liquid
-454 / -270
* Hell freezes over
-456 / -271
* Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
-458 / -272
* Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
-4.01 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
* All atomic motion ceases
* Wisconsinites allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy